Waiting...

I don't know but lately I've been feeling so down lately. Since our Operations Manager started barging our calls for the last three days,. They said it's a random audit but four of my teammates already has been barged at and she started only in our team. I hate that feeling. A feeling that anytime, you can be kicked out of your job. Hayz I guess I feel that I am not ready to lose this job yet. I don't have any savings right now. Imagine, ten years of working and no savings yet! I admit, my current salary is more than P25,000 and my sister is the one paying for the house...my only responsibility is our food, our utilities, our transportation and my parent's allowance which if added all in all...would only amount to around P15,000. I could save around P10,000 monthly and yet saving P3,000 is such a painful task for me to do. Maybe because I am the only one working for me and my hubby. I can't blame him. At those times when he does have a job, I always ask him to stay with me and be absent especially when it's my rest day. He's been without job for three years now and I guess our situation would be different if were both working. I just hope that he could get a permanent job soon so I my plan of resigning next year and  be a full time blogger would come to reality.Lately, I have been irritated with my hubby, maybe because I can't see a drive in him to uplift our standard of living. He always say he would find a job but he really didn't do anything...he is just waiting for my instruction. He should be the one leading the way, directing the way we should live. He should be the one to do the planning and yet he is waiting for my instructions all the time. I hope he could find a way to make our lives easier...

What A Crazy Month

It's been the craziest one month of my life so far. For one month, I've been living in a big lie and a big fantasy. I thought everything would be easy but it's as complicated as complicated can be. I need to reorganize everything as it has been ruined by a certain feeling I keep for a certain person. I know for a fact that it is wrong but I continue to cherish it hoping one day, the fantasy would materialize. But I was wrong, things only went from bad to worse and it came to a point that it's already uncontrollable. I need to stop this feeling before I could hurt someone who values me more than himself. I know I need to end this beautiful dream and face whatever reality in store for me. I would be stronger this time I promise and would forever forget what transpired that crazy month.

Broken Hearted

I really don't know why my hubby is acting up like this again. It's just so happen that whenever my mom would visit me here in our house...my hubby feels left out and becomes vulnerable. Just earlier this morning, he is washing our clothes and well,I was still asleep. I heard mom tell him to make sure that he hang the clothes properly as to make sure it would not smell. I also heard her ask him if he is watering the plants as she feels Jojo is not doing his task. I guess those words hurted my hubby's feelings and became reluctant afterwards. He doesn't want to eat with us outside and would prefer eating in our room while watching a movie through the dvd player. It hurts me that my mom and my hubby is having this kind of cold war. I know at times mom become so authoritative but I know her motives...she want's us to improve our lifestyle. I also feel for my hubby as he feels mom sees nobody but him. He feels inferior as he is only working at home,contributing only a small portion of our budget compared to what I am giving. I am really torn and I am so sad. I asked hubby to please help me as I don't want to be sad on my birthday week and he promised to ask an apology to my mom later today. If he do that, I would treat him to a movie tonight...if he does'nt...we're stuck here at home. I'll tell you what will happen later. Please pray for our family. Thanks.

Another Gloomy Day

I slept for almost 7 hours last night but till now... I can't understand why I feel so tired. Not just tired physically...but emotional, mentally, spiriturally. I don't know why I feel so "nega" since yesterday. Though the que is really not that bad and we even had a meeting for almost 2 hours, I still feel the pressured in the office. I feel bad that another close friend would leave the team if ever the final verdict would be either lateral transfer or termination. I already lost two of my closest friend before, one of them I treat as my bestfriend... I don't know if I could still manage to lose another. I feel so sad, tired and confused. I feel threatened, anxious and afraid...afraid of losing the foundation of my future plans. Lord, please let me endure the remaining two years of my call center journey. After two years, I can now do whatever I want to do with my life. I can now start living my dream.... I pray Lord, that you will make a way for my plans. To you be the glory forever, Amen.

A Prayer

Sometimes I feel most of my decisions in life is a failure. I should have done this, I should have chosen that...but through all these failures , I feel that God is always leading me to the right path..that whenever I feel down, He is always ready to pick me up so I can starts all over again. I'm not sure if I have chosen the right road to take - I am not even sure where life would lead me. Most of the time are spent thinking of what will happen in the future. I am always dreaming of a better tomorrow, when in fact, I could make that dream into reality NOW. I need guidance Lord, especially in where I want to be 5 years from now. Please help me make the right decisions. Help me be the person you want me to be. Guide me Lord and I know with you in my life...I would never be wrong. Amen.

It's Payday!

October 15, 2008
Wednesday, 2:45 PM

Lord thank you again for all the blessings you've given us. Thank you for my job and thank you for all my friends. Jojo fetched me at Munoz and right after I got my salary, we had our weekly grocery @ Waltermart. I also had the chance to deposit some money for our monthly savings. I am also happy that things are working really well for Jojo especially on his online venture. I just hope that our online job would continue and I hope we could be able to save for our future. I was late again last night and I really need to make it up to our coach today so I need to sleep early so I could report for work early tonight. Thank you for all the blessings Lord!

Prayer Request

SEPTEMBER 13
SUNDAY

grabe, sobrang tumal ng review offers ngayon. Haaay... I am so worried about my money making experiment that I added a few more blogs so I can submit those again on those paid to post sites. I used to earn at least $10 a day from it because of my PR3 blog, but since google slapped my PR (for 3 of my blogs and left me with one with PR1) ... those review offers I receive are getting less. Well, I think that's a life of on online blogger. Sometimes you got it all, sometimes you're left with none. Actually, I have 2 review offers at hand - one is for $10 (minus 35% commission of the site) and a $5 review (minus commission) offer which would give me a total of barely $10 for both reviews. I am thankful for every blessings I am getting no matter how big or small it is.... I just hope I can find more ways on how to make money online as many people depends on me. My live in partner Jojo does'nt have a regular job right now and is just managing to help me on my online venture. He usually is the one who visits sites and put in comments to help me promote my blogs. He also the "clicker" who clicks on those PTC sites and the survey taker for those survey sites I joined. We are planning to have a home based business but were still on the brainstorming stage right now. I hope and pray that everything would going to be fine for us. I know that my salary is not enough for both of us especially that our transportation expenses eats up most of my salary... I just hope I can find more ways to earn now that I have a "talent" and all the resources for it. I plan to retire after 3 years...I mean, I don't want to work for others anymore. It's either I'll gonna concentrate on my blogging scheme or I'll gonna be an entrepreneur myself... but I thought to myself, how can i do that if the only savings I have in the bank is P1500? Yup, nakakahiya mang aminin, I only have P1,500 in the bank after working for almost 6 years now. That's sad indeed. I hope I can have the will and the drive to save something for my future and I hope and pray God would help me achieve it. I know God knows better than I... there's a greater thing that would happen anytime soon. By faith I pray, amen!